Arrrrgh! I’m going a tad high contrast on yer asses today.

As you can see, my “ABC Series” has reached the letter “R.”

I have to say I was a bit appalled by the severe lack of body parts that start with this letter. I mean, Wheel of Fortune uses it as one of it’s most popular letter choices, right Vanna? So why, folks who gave the parts of the body their names, did you seriously shut down Mr. R in your nomenclature adventure?

With very few to choose from, I decided “ribcage” would go over a lot better than “roof of mouth” not only because I’ve featured my mouth enough already but because ribs are delicious.

I imagined this shot would be fairly smooth sailing, but I was definitely accosted by some rogue waves in my attempt to get to shore.

You see, years ago I was the skinny kid on the block. I still remember being at my cousins birthday party when we were, oh, 7? 8? Something like that. Anyways, her friends from school were there and as we were running around in our swimming trunks, jumping through the sprinkler, there was a point where we had stopped and I was being made fun of for being so skinny and having such a pronounced ribcage. I think I even cried? I mean, it is not cool being singled out at that age for something you didn’t even realize was an issue (which is wasn’t) until you were being pointed and laughed at.

A few years after the fact I’d started getting a little chubby and in ninth grade, I started hitting a growth spurt that shot me from 4’11 to 5’6 without really gaining any weight at all because I wasn’t eating the way a growing boy should, so by the time eleventh grade rolled around, I was gaunt. This time I actually looked awkward because I did not suit skinny. I was kinda like Christian Bale in The Machinist only I wasn’t method acting. I even remember on countless occasions people telling me I was way too skinny. However, by the time I graduated high-school, I was back to being a healthy weight and on my way to even being a tad overweight due to excessive beer drinking.

Just a tad, though.

Anyways, my point here is that I don’t have a visible ribcage anymore unless I suck in and contort myself and force, well, the pathetic excuse for a photograph of a ribcage that you see above.

I suppose it could be worse, though.

I could be a robot and have no ribcage at all and simply exist as a massive conglomerate of metal scraps, created to perform tasks that humans became too lazy to do themselves.

Kind of like this guy:

Don’t get me wrong. He’s pretty bad-ass. I just like life as a human. The day I don’t, though, you better believe I’m going to be transformed into one just like him.

And just like Bender, alcohol will be my fuel.

Mmmmmmmm.

Aaaaand obligatory puppyface, who’s name is actually Rory.

Good night.